Suzette was waiting to 'greet' her as soon as she stepped into the tent.
Hector grinned and headed off to confront Mr Snuffles over who exactly got the cot for the next few hours, leaving
Andi to Suzette's wrath.
"I was watching you, m'mselle." Suzette said, pouncing on Andi as soon as she stepped through. "You tell me over and
over not to have anything to do with soldiers from either side, and la! I turn my back and you're running off into the
night with one!" She ran a melodramatic hand through her hair, pulling at it slightly. "Dangerous, you know that!"
"Ears like a rabbit." Andi smiled, miming pulling her fingers up long invisible ears on either side of the Frenchwoman's
head. "And when have you ever listened to me when I warn you off men of any sort?"
Suzette's eyes went wide and innocent. "I always listen to you, Andi" she protested and Andi actually laughed.
"Listening and doing at two different things, Suz."
"Beh." The diminutive woman shrugged. "And I am not so easily distracted. You should not be with him."
"There's nothing wrong with Hector." Andi stated firmly. Realizing for the first time that she had never called him by his
name when he was present. Wondering why. Realizing as well that she was wondering about abstract things to avoid
wondering how she felt about being labeled 'with him'. She wondered if she was reluctant to voice his name simply
because of her own and the association.
"Don't you glaze your eyes at me." Suzette chided, tiny hands on hips. "We are not done. I see you and I see you and
I think - she is a lonely woman." Andi's eyes cut to her with a shift that was the equivalent of an eye roll. Suzette
ignored it. "Why is so lonely? I think to myself and then I think has her heart been hurt? no. Then is she shy? and I
think no."
"Suz." Andi protested retreating toward the back of the tent and the reports and papers that would catch her up. And
incidentally get away from the patients that were watching the exchange curiously whether they understood the
French it was in or not. Suzette followed her, still talking.
"So I think, maybe she does not like men? But no. And I say 'ah ha!' she is a preacher's daughter. Of course she is
scared of sex."
"Suz." Andi turned her head to look over her shoulder at her friend, mild warning in her voice. Suzette ignored it,
placing hands on the desk and leaning forward.
"Then I watch. And I watch. And I see - there is no man stronger then you. No man you need for anything. Whatever
you need, you do for yourself. Whatever you want, you get for yourself. And whatever you decide, no one but
yourself's own opinion matters." She tapped her own forehead. "So I see you haven't found a man stronger then you
to do what you cannot. To protect you when you cannot protect yourself anymore."
"This Freudian moment is going somewhere?" Andi asked in a tone that indicated she had little hope of it. Suzette put
her hand on the papers Andi was holding and looked at her friend's face.
"Just because he is strong does not mean he is good. He is a violent man. Inside his heart is a dark fire. And he will
hurt you. You should not encourage his attention."
Andi paused, head bent. Finally she lifted her eyes and looked into Suzette's own worried ones steadily.
"He's my friend, Suz." And that one sentence was both warning and explanation.
"Friend?" Suzette said, leaning against a work table that doubled as desk. "Friend." She repeated and nodded
knowingly. "Friends...Andi, you have many friends. I do not think you really think him a friend." She shook her head.
"Be careful. You have to be careful. He's a killer. And he's gone in a few days anyway, once we patch up his other
killing friend." Her face was a mask of concern as she looked at the taller woman. "Soldiers are for flings. Quick fun
and forget about them. They're not for friendships or anything else, they can't be. They're not built that way, you
understand?"
"No." Andi stated, looking at Suzette as she sat down at the desk, long hands automatically shifting the haze of papers
into a pile. "I don't understand. No one is made to be forgotten. We wouldn't be here now, doing what we are, if they
were."
Suzette scowled at her and her thick Anglican skull that wasn't hearing what was being said.
"That's not the same." She disagreed.
"I think it's exactly the same." Andi answered softly.
Suzette sighed and sat down on the edge of the desk. "So what is your plan? You always have a plan. You have your
day planned out before you even open your eyes. So what's the plan? More midnight games with the soldier?" She
asked. "Maybe you become pen pals, and he sends you his daily butcher bill that you can share with the rest of us."
She shook her head.
"Petite," it was definitely a pet name, since Suzette was far more petite than Andi, "I worry. You think I don't and that
I'm just a girl with good times on the mind, but I worry. About you. What do you want from this man?"
Andi was surprised by the way her heart reacted to Suzette's 'butcher bill' comment. It landed like a blow and it hurt.
Because - it was cruel. So much crueler than any thing the small woman had said previously. And that the cruelty
hadn't been directed at her didn't make the blow any softer.
The obvious worry in the other woman's eyes was all that kept her from shutting the conversation off. It was none of
Suz's business. It was none of anyone's business. And if she decided to move to the Himalayas and dye monks' robes
for the rest of her life, it was no one's business but her own. The concern was touching but the persistence was past
the point of intrusive.
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Andi answered.
"Tell me anyway." Suzette was willing to push. Andi's eyes rose, locked with hers and they were fierce.
"I want him to have peace. Just a little. Whether it’s a memory or a letter waiting for him, I want him to have something
that he can turn to in his mind and find peace in." Her long fingers tapped her own heart. "I want to give that to him.
And I want you to stop insulting him. Your concern and distrust in my ability to use any common sense at all despite
knowing me for a year and a half are duly noted. But that's enough. I said he was my friend. And I won't stand for him
being abused in my presence any more than I would stand aside and let it happen to you. Don't push me on this, Suz.
We've gotten as far as we're going to right now."
"No, we haven't." Suzette said firmly. "You've answered what you give to him, or hope to give to him," and she wisely
for once kept her mouth shut on her opinions on that idea. "But, ma chere, what does he give to you? What do you
get out of it? Almost two years, and this is the first time I've seen you...." she searched for a word that fit, her face
scrunching up a bit. "Open yourself up to anyone." To a world of hurt, if she asked Suzette, which she didn't.
Unfortunately. "What are you getting out of it? Satisfaction of some weird mothering syndrome?" Next she'd be
washing this soldier's socks.
Andi's dark eyes narrowed dangerously. There was a limit to how far she'd let even Suz push her despite the fact that
the other woman didn't back down or get hurt when the taller Brit responded to the pushing.
"He makes me feel like me." She snapped back without thinking. "He makes me feel like the me I used to be before I
drowned myself in cold 'should haves and could haves'." Her voice suddenly faltered and she looked down at her
hands, palm up on the desk. "He lures out the sides of me that are still alive under all - this." She gestured absently at
herself. The disgust came and went in a flicker. She propped her elbows on the table to spread her long fingers
across her face and her voice came out muffled and quieter. "I'm safe with him. He makes a safe place for me to be
whole again. I'm not supposed to be half alive. I'm not." The buried face gave a shake as she whispered the denial.
"But I've forgotten what it feels like to laugh. And to risk. And to trust my heart more than my head. And to play. And to
cry." She shut her eyes. If what was coming out of her mouth now was true then she could squarely blame the fact she
was having this mini-break down on Hector. Well, he and Suz. "If he leaves tomorrow and I never hear from him again,
I will still have been happy these past few days. He doesn't need me to remember who he is. But - he hurts. Inside, he
hurts. And I don't want him to have to. I don't."
She was babbling and she knew it. Suzette knew what she was doing when she pushed hard enough to call up the
flashing fleeting anger and get past it. Andi rubbed her finger tips across her face, reigning everything back in.
Subdued again. "It doesn't matter. Its none of your business anyway. I know you're worried but this is my choice. You
can say 'I told you so' when its over. Go away, Suz. I've got work to do. You can come back and prod me later to make
sure I'm still breathing."
Suzette backed off this time, she was afraid she might get smacked or something thrown at her if she didn't. Or that
Andi would start to cry. She dropped a kiss on top of Andi's head as she went back out to the clinic to do her own work
with a shake of her head. She saw Mike by he soldiers, he had taken most of the responsibility for them, due to his
knowledge base, but Suzette also felt maybe it was his own military experience, and his experience here. He didn't
trust anyone else to take care of 'the boys.'
"Between you and Andi, what is it with these American soldiers?" She demanded in frustration when he came over to
the med cart where she was counting the narcotics.
Mike raised an eyebrow. "I"m American." He pointed out.
"So?" Suzette said. "I'm French."
"And your military is a group of ding dongs who forgot which way to shoot." Mike said with a chuckle.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me." Mike said mildly. "But those boys should be home with a beer and the TV, watching football or
baseball. But they chose to sign up. And their government sent them here because they're the only ones who can do
the job."
"Killers."
"No, they're not." Mike said, almost vehemently. "They're trained to kill, but that doesn't make them killers anymore
than you are just because you know the lethal dose of morphine and how to give it. Look, these boys get up every
morning and they know they could die or get all shot up. But they do it anyway. Its not for money, believe me, these
boys get paid shit. Its not for glory, they're special operations so not many people know what they do and they can't
talk about it. They just do it anyway. They don't get days off, they don't get parades. They don't even get a decent
night's sleep. You need to lay off them and just appreciate the fact that you're still breathing."
"What does that mean?"
"Means there have been militia and warlords around here." Mike said. "Last month. We weren't attacked, were we?"
He said, then moved away to let her stew on that one.
Andi played catch up for the next few hours. Which meant it was reports and paperwork instead of actually getting to
work with people.
After her outburst with Suz, who was still walking quietly, Andi was pretty sure paper was better than people right now.
Not that she thought she'd flare and roast someone out of the sky. But she might burst into tears if she saw a child
with a distended belly and gunshot wounds. And that wasn't exactly the helpful response to something like that. So
she made due with reports instead.
Sometimes Suz just pushed too hard. Dug into things that weren't her business. It was one of the reasons they were
friends. Because Suz didn't back off and just let things drop and she didn't hold a grudge if getting to them made you
say vile things to her. But Andi could have done without the dredging into her psyche. Thinking had, once again,
managed to complicate something that wasn't supposed to require a great deal of thinking. And, having actually
gotten a decent amount of sleep, her mind wouldn't simply shut off about it now that it was on.
"Paper's a defenseless opponent, Andi. Keep scowling at it like that it might just burst into flame."
Andi looked up to see Mike looking down at her with a smile. And eyes that were sympathetic. She gave him a quiet
smile in return.
"How many people overheard?"
"Patients included?" He cocked an eyebrow then gave a chuckle. "Nobody." He would have lied to her whether it was
true or not. "But all the hand gesturing and hissing going on back here was more interesting than Sam earlier.
Besides, you two always do your fighting in French and nobody bothers learn that language these days."
"You did." She responded and Mike laughed.
"Did not." He disagreed. "Though one day I will. Just so I can eavesdrop on your conversations. They sound much
more passionate in French."
Andi had a sneaking suspicion he was lying about French but his kidding called up a smile and so she thought it was a
fair trade. Mike set two wrapped sandwiches in front of her and a couple bottles of iced tea. She looked blankly at
them for a minute and then it registered what they were and she looked back up at him with a smile. Which was better
than the ones she'd been attempting so far so he figured it was worth all those dirty looks he'd caught as he'd cut in
line to get to the sandwiches before they were gone.
"Go wake up your Delta, Andi." He told her. "But he only gets one of the sandwiches. Other's for you and I expect you
to eat it. All. I'm going to start scrubbing up in about half an hour."
"Thanks, Mike." She was soft and still a bit sad and he was going to hurt Suzette because of it. Well, not really. He
couldn't stand Suzette miserable either and she was pretty much that way as worried about what Andi hanging with the
Delta as she was. Women, he thought with an unconscious shake of his head. He reached out to ruffle her hair and by
the time she dodged, giving him an unconvincing scowl, the damage was already done.
"Out." Mike directed, with a thumb jerk over his shoulder toward the exit.